Archive for March, 2008

headache

{ March 23, 2008 @ 6:57 am } · { say.. }
{ } · { Leave a Comment }

so i’ve been sitting in  front of the pc for quite some time now.. and i’m smelling this..urgh! this shell thingy that i don’t know what’s called in English! i can smell the sea.. but the odor is too damn strong and my sinus can’t take it any longer!  darn! but i have to bear with it! oh! i’m getting nausea! really!oh!

anyways.. i don’t care what the title says.. and about my gooddamnit nausea! i have this something in my mind..and i can’t put it into words! argh! anyways this is how it goes!! ergh! but i still can’t explain it! hmm.. maybe i really just want to post something here.. that’s why i keep on typing and not able to say anything! haha!!

and since i’ve been typing and typing and not been able to say anything i entitled this as headache! which in fact i’m feeling right now! argh!! i’m gonna throw up with that smell!! really!!

awh..

gtg to the bathrOom!! (ergh!)

price to pay..

{ March 18, 2008 @ 4:10 pm } · { deadly.. }
{ } · { Comments (1) }

our country is in the age of industrial boom which is somehow good.. good in a sense that we, the citizens, benefit from it because most frosh are taking engineering and whatever course that has something to do with math and technology and pcb circuit boards, electrolytic capacitors and stuffs..

in fact i remember my  teacher in economics(hs eco) complaining to our class that too few are taking up agriculture or some sort of course that has something to do with agriculture whether it’s aquaculture or whatever!

now.. i share his sentiments..

i am not saying that industrialization is bad or negative but over industrialized? that is the bad thing.. see here.. the country is having problems with the food supply.. rice grains are a already a bit expensive these days and as i remember from my grade school hekasi.. Philippines is one of the country that is exporting “bigas”.. but not anymore.. we are the ones needing it already! we can’t export anymore..we are now importing..

and this is a very sad news..

because of industrialization.. businessmen tend to buy lands that are fit for growing these grains to build factories to build their stuffs that somehow affect the environment in a very bad way!

this is the price to pay for too much industrialization!

no more lands to mow.. no more lands to plant and grow these grains.. (well.. not no more..)

oh! let me change the “no more”..

too few lands to mow.. too few lands to plant and grow these grains and the effect is too few food supply..

 

granny..under the overpass..

{ March 14, 2008 @ 3:33 pm } · { Uncategorized }
{ } · { Comments (1) }

so i just finished reading a blog entry of a person who doesn’t want to be known.. and hell i remembered something that’s making my eyes all wet.. darn!! T_T..

some years back..when i was still oh so small and cute.. i remember giving some penny to an old woman.. a very old one.. she lies there sick and homeless.. and nobody damned cared about her.. and every time i look at her and give her my last pennies for my candy supposedly i held back my tears and let it all go when i reach home.. and then i stopped going to malls for some reason.. and when i did came back.. i looked for her.. asked some people.. only to find out.. that she’s dead.. and i can’t give her more of my pennies.. and that made me feel bad about myself.. that i couldn’t help these people in more ways when i know i can help not in my small ways but in way too huge to carry ways.. and this made me into a somewhat like an  activist..

now that i’m all grown up.. thinking and somehow deciding for myself.. i’m doing everything i can so i won’t be like what granny was.. 

buh bye granny.. and thank you for my more matured views in life that you awakened centuries back..

me : fame, love, depression, trouble.. suicide.. regret..

{ March 13, 2008 @ 12:37 am } · { Uncategorized }
{ } · { Leave a Comment }

so today is about me..how i was able to live longer..i’ll telll you how..

living in a subdivision where everybody literally knows you is a hard job.. with one false mistake the image of the family falls down.. my mom is one of the board director of our sub..(somewhat)..so it’s natural that i couldn’t make my profile as low as a rat! my every move was watched..which is so fuckingly irritating!!

i had to act too boyish as which is actually not my true identity.. i’m a bit boyish.. a BIT..but not too boyish.. so a lot of my friends are boys..which i see as natural since i grew up trying to be a boy! and they found malice in it as i step into my adolescence! they said i was like this like that..but hell!! they don’t know a damn thing about me!!those stupid midgets!

(ehem ehem..) so i was like proving myself to everyone like “i’m not what you think i am..” and then all of a sudden i’m no longer like that and i was now shouting “screw the world!”.. so that’s how it was like in my 12-16 yrs of living in this subdivision where my feet is so totally rooted and i can’t escape the fact that is no longer the life i’m used to.. well.. i shouldn’t be used to this at all.. and this is the fame part..

apart from being famous and all the crap..i’m like-able.. as they say.. and i don’t want to change that since it’s the only positive thing i’ve heard after the craps and the shitty-smell of those damn gossip-munger.. and so a lot of boys courted me..and as an entertaining person..i entertained them..but not all too funny entertainment.. i somehow got into boys.. then i started going out with some of them..(and got my skin all too burned for it..not that i wasn’t yet tan from all the beach hopping and stuffs..haha!) unfortunately..i’m way too much for them..and this is the price i had to pay for being all too entertaining and so gOddamit famous! 

my mom started to think that the best way to stop this mess is to clean my name by and only by making me all too out.. but then again.. she gave me too much freedom that has cause her and me a lot of trouble..darn! i got into such big messes and then made it worse that i had to bully and beat them up to silence them..(i’m your big bad bully..beware!haha!)  nobody knew i did that..now you know.. i got too damn depressed and when i get depress it’s a big trouble.. coffins are way too expensive so instead of suicide.. i got into mortification..my body aches so much that when i hurt myself it feels more of a relief..’cause i feel a hot surge in my body..and it makes me feel things and let me think i’m not numb..which in fact i was since my chest feels nothing but pure nothingness..fame and love became too much of a problem and then..(tetetetedteren!!trraadddaa!!POOF!!) here comes someone who said he’ll love me no matter what.. and indeed he did..i told him every thing he had to know.. and i somehow uncover things that i should know that he wasn’t ready to tell me though..(sorry…) 

somehow..when you start to regret things..you start to regret your whole life..which i somehow did..i regret the fact that i was laid by someone who shouldn’t have touched me!(i’m so damn disgusted of myself while typing this..so please..just read and read..) and now i can’t give him the whole me anymore..i can’t give him which is truly his! i can’t give him what i can offer him back then if he only came earlier..but then.. 

past is past.. what’s done is done.. and that is something i can’t change anymore..what’s lost is lost and i wouldn’t be able to retrieve it back..